1984 or 2020?

I built up the courage. Put on my shoes. Grabbed a pair of the vinyl gloves my mum had just been robbed out of £10 for. I stepped outside. This was the first time in two weeks that I had left my house and I was so excited. I was also scared. Maybe someone wouldn’t know what two metres meant and be too close to me. What if I don’t know what two metres are and offend someone by standing too close? What if someone coughed on me? But, plugging in my headphones and with ‘freedom’ filling my lungs, I went on my first walk.

I was listening to 1984 by George Orwell as I walked, I liked the sound of the audiobook because it put me in a false sense of security of being productive and doing something worthwhile with my time. I heard it was a great book and considering it was on my audible downloads for the better part of three years, I thought I ought to give it a go and hear this “magnificent piece” of work. The premise of the book is, of course, known to all. Spies, being tracked, living in a dystopian society with no faith. If you didn’t know this, sorry… spoiler alert?

Regardless though, I went on a walk that lasted precisely fifty-six minutes, of course making sure I didn’t go out for a second longer than my daily mandated exercise allowed me to. It wasn’t bad, people gave me odd looks as I walked past and I, in turn, returned them. One guy even dared to cough in the distance behind me so I did what any responsible adult would do, I broke into a light jog until sufficient distance was gained between us, turning around and expressing my disapproval with a frown. But my experience, despite the small hiccups, was overall successful and the fresh air too precious to convince me otherwise.

Soon, I began to walk more. Different routes but still taking advantage of my daily hour. Listening to the audiobook and trying to keep my sanity intact. I would walk to different parts of the city and soon, it hit me. I was in the book. I began to realise the parallels between me and Winston (the protagonist in the book). No, I’m not on a crusade to try and alleviate the world from the shackles of Big Brother, although I am required to say this so that the CIA agent monitoring my screen at the moment doesn’t raise any alarm bells for my actions…

But seriously, there are some parallels right now and it's important to realise them. Not because we need to change ourselves or start a mission of espionage but rather because it's important to see where our behaviour is leading us and maybe try and curb the trajectory this lockdown (and life in general) is taking us down.

The first instance of parallel came when, upon leaving my house, I saw a neighbour eerily peeking out of the window, staring at me as I walked past his house. Ronald, Ron for short, was always the weird neighbour. I always had short and strange exchanges with him but since Big Brother has taken over, sorry I mean since the Lockdown had started, he began acting strangely. I was almost convinced he’d grass me up to the police if I did anything out of order. If, for instance, I spent an hour and a minute outside for my exercise, or if I was seen buying non-essentials from the supermarket. Or worse, if I wasn’t present for the weekly clap in support of the NHS. This almost happened last week too, and by God was I lucky that my mum came charging into my room to remind me of the time so I could make it out and show my support. What would Ron think if I told him I missed it because of a university deadline… or worse, who would he tell if I did?

So, apart from my potentially problematic neighbour who definitely has a tally in his house for the number of offences I commit, and who most certainly works for the thought police, I saw some other issues too. I saw people being sceptical of me! I was walking down the reservoir path when a group of three, presumably friends, maybe criminals, split up as they saw me come their way and disassociate themselves from one another. I reminded me of how I’d act when a teacher walked in on me and someone from school having a fight, or when an exam invigilator made eye contact with me during my A-Levels. Looking up into the air and darting their gaze in any direction but mine, I could only assume that they were scared at being caught together. I don’t know why, maybe they knew that they were wrong. Big Brother did tell us that we ought to refrain from meeting friends and he was right, we should be in groups of no more than two. But what if this was a family, who were scared of me and my judgement even though they weren’t doing anything wrong. What if they were just out on a walk and feared me as I had Ron. Nah, they were definitely hardened criminals and Ron was definitely out to get me.

Regardless though, this whole moment was ruined when my phone (also known as an activity and thought tracker) went off. It was a message on WhatsApp. The annoying notification sound, the vibration in my pocket and the sudden dampening of my audiobook. Ugh. My initial reaction is always to look at the message on my phone lock screen, ignore it and move on with my life with a slight annoyance that I receive half of the crap that I do. But this was different. As Winston was explaining in the book about the eleventh edition of the Newspeak dictionary and the false information Big Brother put out, I found myself looking down at a message on a group chat. It was soon followed by agreement from the others in the same chat. The message read ‘Coronavirus cure found, ginger lemon and honey will okay you’ (don’t judge the English, it wasn’t me who wrote this message). Damn it, I thought, we’ve fallen in the trap. We’re listening to Big Brother (in this case an aunty in India) and following wrong information, but no one else can see this (at least not in that particular chat). I found myself in the eleventh edition of the aunty guide to a cure for corona with previous editions detailing equally false recipes to resist this disease, Winston was right, we’re screwed.

Everything seemed to come true from the book. The lies that were being spread, further blocking the truth from emerging. But the truth never came. No one knew anything but what was happening in these group chats and nor do they know now. We know there’s a virus, we know there are trials for a cure. But what exactly is happening out there remains a myth except for what the television tells us, with the bonus of bonafide doctor aunties adding to this information. What was true, what was false was all a blur. The thought police did come to life, after all the police had to ask people to stop calling in and reporting their neighbours for going outside. Ron, it seemed, could go from being a regular quiet person to a potential spy working for ‘them’. Even the whole Eastasia war was becoming a reality as we saw messages upon messages talking about the origins of this virus and the great efforts we’re taking to resist it and that they are supposedly taking to infect us all.

Now, there were one of two explanations for this whole drama. Why did I really see these similarities to the extent I did? Was it something that was actually happening or it was my mind going crazy after being in isolation for so long. The likely answer is the latter, but since I’m insane let's go with the former and give me the benefit of doubt in this instance, thank you for indulging me.

I do however want to end on a slightly more serious note. We must realise these similarities, no matter how dramatized I’ve made them out to be. We are in unprecedented situations that become further from sanity every day. We don’t know what’s going on out there and the information we get can really misconstrue reality and place us in a situation of fear, denial or depression. The further thought of being away from loved ones is something that is petrifying especially as we don’t know who might get it next. However, it's important to be safe regardless and not give in to the temptation to break the rules, and risk lives. Yet, exercise and a schedule may help, it may bring normality into your life. Or, it may make you crazy like me. Either way, stay safe. Big Brother loves you.

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